Personal Power in Relationships: Why Are Relationships Hard And Do They Need to Be?

People ask me all the time how I manage to both live and work full time with my husband and still maintain a successful marriage and a thriving business. Here are a few insights that I hope you can apply, not only to your romantic relationships, but also to your self-worth.

Start with busting the belief that relationships are hard. Latching onto this limiting belief creates a self-fulfilling prophecy of strife inside your marriage or intimate partnership. It preys upon your confidence and poisons your intuition. The more you feed the notion that relationships are hard by nature, the more you relinquish your power within them and squash that intuitive voice of warning that tries to flag you when sometime isn’t right. 

Your personal power wants to survive, thrive, and protect you. It fights to be heard when it feels threatened. Unfortunately, instead of tapping into our power of innate self-worth and intuition, instead we create excuses for other people's poor behavior (in this instance a partner’s ) and for our own choices. Excuses devalue self-worth and tame this integral survival instinct.

I understand this first hand from a prior abusive relationship.

Here are some of the excuses I made to others that enabled the limiting belief that relationships are hard and encouraged me to stay trapped in this unwanted cycle:

  • “You don't know him."
  • “You don’t see how he is with me when we are alone.”
  • “You don’t get his sense of humor.”
  • “He had to work tonight. He can’t make it.”

Here are the excuses I told myself so I wouldn’t have to take action to change the situation:

  • “He’s really sorry.”
  • “He didn’t mean it.”
  • “It won’t happen again.” 
  • “It’s my fault.”

In my past, I believed all of these excuses because I was operating under the presumption that relationships are hard. But not anymore. Now I’ve reclaimed my power and embraced my courage.

Now I believe only the wrong relationships we find ourselves entwined in are hard, and that we should not have to make excuses for our life partners.

I challenge you to try something radical right now. Embrace the idea that relationships are easy.

Close your eyes and fully imagine a partner who respects you, sees your worth, enjoys your company, and actually makes your life easier. What truths complement this belief?

Here are a few that pillars in my own marriage that support the idea that relationships are easy:

  • We do not hold grudges.
  • We know it’s ok to disagree. We can still have just as much love and respect for one another after a disagreement, as we did before the argument.
  • Our relationship is easy.

Does it challenges me? Absolutely. I’m challenged to take risks I wouldn’t endeavor on my own because I never feel alone anymore when I made a bold new choice.

I’m challenged to constantly seek solutions to problems that are best for the relationship as a whole, and support both of our wants and needs, not just easy selfish answers that only speak to my desires or to his.

And I’m challenged to embrace compromise and articulate my point of view, because my opinion actually matters and my words are valued.

Relationships are hard when you sacrifice your personal power and with it your self-worth, self-image, and self-concept. Choose a partner who encourages you to grow and expand. These relationships are easy and fun and you deserve it.

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